Do you know what I have learned this week?

Time management is a bullshit concept.

We’re all just showing up, doing the best we can, and moving on to the next thing.

Sentipensante is about putting ourselves back together. It's recognizing that our emotions inform our thoughts, and our thoughts shape our emotions. It's understanding that the most profound truths often come from a place where feeling and thinking intertwine. Sentipensante in Spiritual Archaeology is about putting myself back together through my artistic practice.

Elle Billing and Connie Solera discuss the transformative power of creating a body of work through the BOW program, which Elle described as an act of re-mothering herself. They explored themes of self-discovery, creativity, and the healing power of art, with a focus on the symbolism of blue.

I think about them a lot right now. Wally and Ila got married during WWII. Their anniversary is the day after Fourth of July. They started a family with world war raging. I want to ask her: weren't you scared? I’ll lean on something that she actually told me in her own words.

Each of these collections combined my own history, my own interests, and my own idiosyncrasies at the heart of the work. The heart and the soul and the guts of the work are what make the Work work. I had to know what I liked in order to include it in my artwork. The excavating meaning — the Spiritual Archaeology, the inner work — starts with that kernel self-knowledge. It starts with showing up, with a desire to know and be known, even — especially — in the face of the unknown, blank canvas.

It is no wonder that my visual art style relies so heavily on making associations among multiple influences. When I talk about my process — Spiritual Archaeology, for the new folks around here — I refer to this as synchronicity. If you’ve heard me get excited about it, you may have heard me talk about “pings.”

One of the biggest processes for me, as a person with acquired disability and chronic illness, has been unlearning my internalized ableism. It's important to acknowledge that so much advice, so many online courses, and basically every Instagram challenge, is not made for me. I’m not a bad artist; the influencer life is simply incompatible with my needs as both a caregiver and a care-receiver. This means that setting expectations and adjusting my goals looks very different from literally everyone else.

“Wellness” and “adjustment” to the present state of the world — be it war, genocide, the housing crisis, climate catastrophe — seems like madness to me. Award shows and Super Bowls and March Madness brackets feel like madness to me.

My upper level religion professor in university ended every class meeting by saying “Stay sane out there.” My friend Peter and I (who met in university) used to exchange this farewell. We don’t anymore. I have reached the point where I only trust the mad, whose madness comes from a deep well of love and grief for the burning world.

In 2022 I meditated on the state of this with a series of watercolor paintings I called “how do you hold a memory?” A series of 80+ paintings of stones, rocks, and pebbles taking different arrangements, in different colors. You see, stones have longevity. Think of Stonehenge. or even mountains. They tell a story of time that stretches out before we were here, and long after we leave the planet. The cairns of Ireland, and the handbuilt stone altars of the Hebrew scriptures also influenced this series: humans use stones to mark significance and to create a tangible anchor for an otherwise ethereal memory.

We spent a lot of time just looking at fabric. I still don’t know how there was so much! It was like an archaeological dig—the deeper we dug, the older the pieces, the more interesting the stories. In one drawer, we found several outfits my mom had cut out to make for me when I was a toddler.

My mom and I are so different. I like to see, to have open doors, open bookshelves. I like to be seen exactly as I am. My mom is more curated. The second guest room exists as a themed room. That’s its function. The door stays closed and sometimes she goes and sees how nice it looks, but if I put too many finished paintings in there, I have to move them because it ruins the vibe. not that anyone sees it, it’s just the idea of the vibe being ruined.

So now, when I don’t sort my laundry as much as I did before, I think of my grandma. And when I’m making things in the studio too complicated, I think “how can I make this simpler?” Because something doesn’t have to be hard or complex to be worth doing.

Here for your edification is the next installment of Things We Found While Cleaning:

Here for your edification is the first installment of Things We Found While Cleaning: